How much do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
by homer's muse
Summary: Lily hates James. End of story. But does she really hate him THAT much? PG13 for some swear words.


Hi Everyone! This is my second Fiction. L/J all the way!!! This probably sucks, but please review.  
  
Disclaimer: I own only Ruby Gater, (tear) the Great JK Rowling owns everything else. (sobs and runs out crying)  
  
How much do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.  
  
Miss Evans,  
  
Please meet me in my classroom  
  
after lunch to discuss your grades.  
  
Professor McGonagall  
  
Lily was a pretty red head with green eyes and was Gryffindor prefect as well as very smart and many boys would die to get her for a date. She slowly walked down the hall to the classroom and grudgingly opened the door and walked in.  
  
"Lily, you are a wonderful student, but I believe that Transfiguration is not one of your best subjects." Professor McGonagall stated. Lily nodded. She continued, "But you are a great candidate for being Head Girl. It would help if you could pick up your grade in Transfiguration a bit- not that you are not a good student, your Charms ability is the highest Hogwarts has seen in decades, but I suggest to be Head Girl, at least getting an A- in your worst subject would make you a very, very, eligible candidate. So, for the best, you are to be tutored by James Potter twice a week for half an hour. In return, you are to help him in Charms for another half hour. You are to begin tonight, meet him in the library at three thirty."  
  
Lily sighed. She did not like James Potter at all, though her friends thought she was crazy. He was the most wanted bachelor at Hogwarts, smart, a prefect, Quidditch Captain, and good looking with messy black hair and glasses over his chocolaty brown eyes. But, she thought that he was annoying and had probably dated half the female population of the school.  
  
"Professor, could I have someone else tutor me, like Arabella?" Lily pleaded. Arabella Figg was her best friend. She was good in Transfiguration.  
  
"You must learn to get along with him, and he is the best Transfiguration student in Gryffindor." Professor McGonagall replied sternly.  
  
"OH. Okay. If I have to, then it's fine. Who are the other candidates for head girl?" Lily asked.  
  
"Well, Constance Mertz from Ravenclaw has a small chance, but the two most eligible are you and Katrina Molar who's from Slytherin. I'm hoping that you win, but the main choice is up to professor Dumbledore. I never liked that Katrina- very snobby. Oh, I must go." She realized that she had said too much. Lily smiled. "Thank you Miss Evans." She left, and Lily followed her.  
  
Later that night, Lily headed down to the library with her books, notes and wand. She waited up at the front for about ten minutes and was about to leave when he suddenly came running in.  
  
"Hi Evans. McGonagall told me that you needed my expertise." Lily snorted.  
  
"Lets go to the back of the library so that Madame Pince doesn't scream at us." They walked to the back and put down their stuff.  
  
"Okay. Um… Where should we start? Evans, try to transfigure this stick into a snake. That's what we're doing in class right now." Lily rolled up her sleeves and waved her wand and said the spell. The stick had scales and looked a lot like a snake, but it had a twig sticking up from it's back. Lily groaned. "What did I do wrong this time?"  
  
James looked at the half snake half stick. "You probably need more force." He whipped out his wand. "Here, watch the master." He quickly turned the snake back into a stick and back to a real snake.  
  
"How do you do that so quickly?" Lily moaned enviously. "I need to raise my grade to at least an A-! This is going to take centuries!"  
  
"What's your grade now?"  
  
"B+, but I need to do better."  
  
"God, B+ is good. Here, try again." He transfigured the snake back to a stick. Lily kept trying until finally, it worked.  
  
"Yes! I did it! Only after three tries!"  
  
"It took you that long?" James was yawning. Lily glared at him.  
  
"Not all of us are geniuses at Transfiguration, Potter."  
  
"Yes, but I am!"  
  
"Ugh! You are just so damn annoying!" She turned to leave when James caught hold of her arm. She was getting annoyed at him.  
  
"You have to stay and tutor me in Charms."  
  
"You won't need my help- you're a genius, remember?" Lily replied sweetly.  
  
"Oh, come off it, Evans. I need help on the heat charm and the cooling one." Lily rolled her eyes.  
  
"I can now see why I have to help you in this. I learned these three years ago!"  
  
"Not everyone is in advanced charms, Evans." He hissed.  
  
"Yes, but your class supposedly learned these last year."  
  
"So? I'm not very good in charms. Just help me."  
  
"Watch. I'm going to make you cold, then unfreeze you using these charms. Frio!" James suddenly felt numb with cold.  
  
"Calienta!" James was feeling toasty warm now.  
  
"How does this work?" James asked again. He picked up his wand. "Frio!" Instead of making Lily cold, he had just turned her blue.  
  
"You stupid git!" This is going to be one loong year. Thought Lily.  
  
"So, how was it?" Arabella Figg asked. "Was it wonderful?" Lily scowled.  
  
"For you information, I got turned into an ice cube five times and Pothead could not get the heating charm right, so right now, I'm still numb in my toes, fingers, and face."  
  
"Well, that's nice." Arabella said.  
  
"But, if this tutorial works, I could very possibly be Head Girl." Lily continued, cheering up at the thought.  
  
"Good for you! You're probably going to get it anyways. You're so smart and that Katrina Molar is really mean."  
  
"Just think of it. I could give Potter detentions every hour for just being himself." Lily thought, evilly.  
  
"Do you know who's going to be Head Boy?"  
  
"Nope. Just hope that it isn't Potter."  
  
"Fat Chance. He gets detention every other day."  
  
"Good. He would probably be the last choice."  
  
"Lucky you."  
  
"Where's Ruby?" Ruby was one of Lily's close friends, but Arabella did not like her as much as Lily did.  
  
"She's doing extra credit for professor Binns."  
  
"Lucky her." History of magic was easily the most boring class. "But why?"  
  
"With Sirius Black."  
  
"Ah. So that's why she's happy to do extra credit. God. I don't know what she sees in that jerk. I seriously hope that they don't start dating."  
  
"But it's not like anything's going to happen."  
  
"I really hope that you're right."  
  
" Yeah, all she thinks about is boys. I hate to say it, but she can be pretty slutty sometimes."  
  
"But she's nice and it's on the inside that counts." Lily finished the last part in a singsong voice. Arabella threw a pillow at her.  
  
"Shut it."  
  
The door opened and a girl with dark brown hair and blue eyes stepped in.  
  
"Hey Ruby! How was History of Magic with SIRIUS BLACK?" Lily taunted. Ruby smiled.  
  
"Wonderful." She replied breathlessly. "He kissed me."  
  
"Sirius Black! WHAT? OH MY GOD!!! Way to go, Ruby!!!" Arabella said. She liked him, but never wanted to go out with him, for some reason. Mainly because she knew he would hurt her and Lily would have a heart attack. Sirius Black was best friends with James Potter and was second most popular and loved to play pranks. HE was also really cute- with black hair and blue eyes.  
  
"NO. Sirius wasn't there. Someone got the names mixed up and James was there instead- he came five minutes late because of some tutorial thing. I couldn't back out of it and he kissed me. We're going out. I've always liked him. Even more than Sirius."  
  
"You mean you kissed Potter? Are you feeling okay? What is wrong with you?" Lily was throwing a fit. "You know how much I hate his guts!" Lily screamed. "This is not my day."  
  
Ruby looked at her angrily. "You don't have to be my friend if you don't like James Potter." She said, offended.  
  
"Look, I still want to be friends, but I don't want to spend any time with Pothead and his gang!!!" Lily screamed.  
  
"Why do you hate him?"  
  
"Because he's an arrogant bastard, selfish stupid-"  
  
"DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND!" Ruby roared.  
  
"Boyfriend my ass! He's going to dump you next week!"  
  
"Your just jealous."  
  
"Ha! Jealous over that slimy freak you call lover boy?" Lily retorted.  
  
"Fine! If your hatred for James is stronger than our friendship, then sod off!"  
  
"Fine! I will!" Lily stormed out of her room and sank into a chair.  
  
"What's wrong Evans? PMS?" James loomed over her chair. "Is it that time of month?"  
  
"I'm surprised that you know so much about PMS. Do you get it too?" Lily snapped. James opened his mouth, but closed it. Lily was in a deadly mood. "Actually, do you want to know what's wrong? You and your stupid hormones! Now I lost one of my close friends! How could you do this?"  
  
"What! It's not my fault that Ruby likes me!"  
  
"Yes it is!"  
  
"She's not a serious girlfriend, I mean, I'll probably breakup with her next week."  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE HURT RUBY, YOU BASTARD!!!" Lily screamed. "IT'S NOT HER FAULT THAT HORMONES HAS OVERPOWERED HER BRAINS!"  
  
"God, Evans! What's your problem?"  
  
"YOU!" Lily spat and climbed through the portrait hole. James watched her leave with relief. He did not know that she had quietly cursed his hair off.  
  
"God Damnit! That bitch Evans!" James fumed.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Sirius Black asked.  
  
"Everything! She's mad at me for dating Ruby Gater."  
  
"IS she that gorgeous red head with green eyes?" James nodded. "She's always mad at you."  
  
"I hate her."  
  
"Are you sure you don't love her?" Sirius teased.  
  
"Shut it, Padfoot. She is cute though, but God! Is she annoying!"  
  
"Why does she hate you so much? No girl can resist the Potter charm!"  
  
"I turned her owl into a pumpkin in second year and she thinks that I'm an arrogant bastard."  
  
"I think she's hot. What would you say if I asked her out?"  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" James said in horror.  
  
"Yes I would!"  
  
"You! What are you doing here?" Lily narrowed her eyes and glared at James.  
  
"Me? This is the common room, Evans. I have every right to be here." Lily scowled. "I also have to tutor you. Otherwise McGonagall will get pissed." Lily groaned. How could she have forgotten? It was the next day and she and Ruby still were not talking. Now, her tutoring sessions were changed from twice a week to four times because of an incident with a teacup that blew up in Transfiguration.  
  
"It's not like I want to, Flame." James climbed through the portrait hole and Lily followed. They headed to the library. "I wish I didn't have to teach you Transfiguration. It's such an easy subject."  
  
"I wish I didn't have to teach you charms. It's easier." Lily retorted. "But it's fortunate that not everybody's dyslexic like you are." James turned red.  
  
"But you're just plain retarded."  
  
"At least I'm not some big headed, perverted, idiotic pig."  
  
"You're a snobbish, evil bitch."  
  
"SHUT YOUR CAKEHOLES YOU ANNOYING LITTLE BRATS!!!!" They had entered the library and the librarian, Madame Philips screamed at them for being so loud. Lily and James hurried away from her and settled down in the back of the library.  
  
"Okay. I'm going to teach you Charms first." Lily began. "You need more help in it than I need help in Transfiguration." She whipped out her wand. "Do you still remember those freezing and heating charms from yesterday?" James shook his head, sheepishly. Lily groaned. "You idiot!" Thus began one looong tutoring session.  
  
When Lily and James came back from the library, Lily was once again blue and numb, while James was looking fine. Lily had managed to change her chair into a small horse for the first time on her first try and was pleased with herself though James had to freeze her five times before he got the heating charm correct. They stumbled down the hallway and climbed into the common room.  
  
"So, how was it?" Arabella asked. She saw how blue Lily was and waved her wand. Lily still did not look any warmer. Lily was grinning.  
  
"Horrible! Excruciating! But I managed to do some difficult transfiguration on my first try!" Arabella smiled.  
  
"Good Going!" James scowled at Lily.  
  
"She wouldn't have been able to do it without me!" Lily glared at him.  
  
"I could have plenty well have done that by myself!!! You however, could not even manage a simple fourth year freezing and heating charm without doing it over five times without my help!"  
  
"Yes I can! Watch." He flicked his wand and mumbled the words. Lily began to shiver.  
  
"I'm already cold enough, Idiot! Make me warm!" James flicked his wand and muttered the words to the heating charm, but nothing happened. "What happened?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You thick brainless, dim, git!!! BELLA, CHANGE ME BACK. IT'S FREEZING!!!" Arabella waved her wand. Lily was still cold.  
  
"Look what you did, Potter. Now Lily's going to be frozen like an ice cube for hours! Come on. You need a hot bath." Lily nodded.  
  
"Can I come?" James asked.  
  
"NO!!! Stupid pervert!"  
  
After her bath, Lily was feeling much better. She pulled on her PJs and crawled into bed. Ruby was not in yet, though it was nine o'clock.  
  
"Where's Ruby?" Bella looked at Lily and shrugged.  
  
"She said something about Potter and astronomy tower." Arabella said carelessly. The astronomy tower was a place where many couples made out. Lily grimaced.  
  
"That's a disturbing thought. I guess she's still mad at me, right?"  
  
"Probably. I don't know. I never really thought of her as a close friend. She's always so… Fickle. I just don't trust her."  
  
"I know what you mean. She's so sneaky, but she's nice. I don't know." Lily sighed. "Oh! I have some new plans for Snape." Severus Snape was a disgusting Slytherin Lily hated.  
  
"What kind of plans do you mean?" Bella asked, interested.  
  
"Well, Bella, I think something that would make him feel as him he had not been born." Lily grinned wickedly.  
  
"Fill me in." Arabella demanded.  
  
"You'll just have too find out tomorrow." Lily pulled the covers over her head and drifted off to sleep. 


End file.
